


don't look and walk on bi, den turn right

by kitsu_yaminari



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ...technically it could be canon??, Canon Compliant, Crack, M/M, This is entirely crack, but I had some free time..., plz don't take this seriously !!, so I had to change that, there were no fics for this tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27870833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsu_yaminari/pseuds/kitsu_yaminari
Summary: Oikawa meets Iwaizumi's crush... He doesn't get it.(also I think the tags are all you need to know)
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Joe Biden, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	don't look and walk on bi, den turn right

**Author's Note:**

> This can't be as bad as Trump x Bakugou

“Iwa-chan! Let’s head for milk bread after school, yeah?” Oikawa was adamant on making his request to the bakery a daily routine, in which he would ask and Iwaizumi would deny. Except for one, small, little, _teeny tiny_ thing (okay, so maybe Iwa wasn’t _that_ small)...

“Yeah, let’s go.” He didn’t think Iwa would actually accept.

“Wait, you actually agreed? Iwa-chan, are you feeling okay? Got a fever or anything?” Oikawa had said this sweetly enough, but the pout on his face showed anything but concern.

“ _Yes_ , Shittykawa, ‘m fine.”

“What date is it?! Is it Friday the 13th? Or maybe a full moon? I mean I know that only affects animals, but you definitely count--”

Iwa drop kicked him to the ground, for obvious reasons.

“OW! Mean, Iwa-chan!” Iwa had been strangely quiet today, but at least he was still his grumpy, violent self.

“Seriously though, what’s up? You never agree to go to that bakery for milk bread. Unless…” Oikawa audibly gasped, which turned into a face splitting smile.

“Iwa~ You aren’t hiding anything from me, are you~?”

“No! It’s nothing…” Iwa declared, despite color quickly rising to his cheeks.

“You sure~? You know I’m not gonna stop asking, so you might as well tell me.”

Iwa stopped in his tracks, looked at Oikawa for a moment, and sighed.

“Okay, fine. So, I went there the other day to get some bread for my mom, and--”

“And you didn’t get me any milk bread while you were there?!”

“Would you let me finish my story?!” Oikawa remained silent. “Anyways, I met this guy there, and he helped me get some bread I couldn’t reach from the top shelf. I’m hoping to see him again.”

“He sounds hot~, good for you!” Oikawa had a strong feeling about what his friend’s type was, and had been expecting maybe a tall, hot, college student in their twenties, or at least someone somewhat remotely close to Iwa’s age. Although, he wasn’t sure exactly what Iwa was into? He probably wasn’t into brunettes, or ravens. Maybe blondes or redheads? Or maybe Iwa was into buff, gym junkies like himself? No matter what, Oikawa told himself he wouldn’t judge his friend’s tastes.

That is, until he found out Iwa has a thing for DILFs (or maybe even GILFs, dare he say it.)

“Hello there, Hajime. You’re looking fine this evening.” Biden was a smooth talker, that was for sure.

“Mr. Biden, I’m glad I could find you…” Iwa’s face was dusted with a warm, cherry blossom pink.

_Uh oh._ Oikawa thought. _He’s totally whipped._

“Just Joe is fine.” Biden caressed his hand upon Iwa’s cheek, causing Iwa to flinch a bit. Biden giggled lightly at the boy’s strange reaction.

“Your hands are rather cold…”

“Why don’t you warm them up then? I’d love to get a good feel of those firm hands of yours~” Cherry blossom cheeks quickly became a concentrated scarlet.

Oikawa, if he had not been surrounded by people (who for some reason, didn’t seem to care _at all_ at.. whatever was going on), would’ve screamed.

Oikawa felt his knees grow weak. Something about this just felt so wrong to him, although he couldn’t put his finger on what.

“Hey Tooru, is everything okay?” Biden asked this, like he had somehow known Tooru.

“How do you know who I am…?”

“Tooru? T _oooo_ ru? TOORU!” Biden’s voice had morphed from a low, suave pitch to a high, nagging tone. One that sounded strangely familiar… one that sounded like… Oikawa’s _mom?!_

“Tooru, honey, wake up! Fuyumi came to visit!”

Tooru found himself lying comfortably in his bed, with his mom by his side calling him to get up. He founded his new calendar on his desk, the one he needed to put on his wall today, as it was New Years.

“Wait, you mean I was dreaming this whole time?!”

“Yeah, you sure looked interested in your dream! Was it anything lucky to start off the year?”

“...no.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it then. It’s just a dream.” Yeah, right.

“Anyway, come downstairs! Fuyumi wants to make french toast, or at least once Iwa comes back from the bakery--”

“FROM WHERE?!?”

**Author's Note:**

> (Fuyumi is Oikawa's sister.)  
> Anyways, I'm so sorry you had to read this. It was time for Thomas to leave, he had seen everything.


End file.
